Insecurities and Body Positivity

I have wanted to write a post on this for quite some time, but haven’t been able to find the right words to articulate exactly how I’m feeling.  And honestly, it is scary to get this vulnerable!

About a year ago, I lost a decent amount of weight.  While I was eating super healthy and exercising regularly, at the same time, I wasn’t taking great care of myself.  I was so obsessed with tracking every single calorie and recording how much I was exercising that I was mentally exhausted while going through this journey.  I felt like I was focusing on how I looked more and more everyday instead of prioritizing other important things in my life.  For better or for worse, I got out of this phase shortly after summer began.

Slowly but surely, I have gained some of that weight back, and let me tell you, it has been harder than I’d like to admit to stay positive.  I can see and feel the changes in my body, and it has been challenging to accept them and not feel self-conscious.  Whether it is the physical change itself, or a mental change from seeing an increase in my weight, it’s hard not to focus on it.  It is so tempting to just shut down and go back to the place I was in nearly a year ago.

I feel like no one talks about this internal struggle; the constant comparison from now and to a time where I was thinner.  It’s so much easier to post things like “I’ve lost {x amount of} pounds!”, and frankly it’s uncomfortable to admit that I’ve gained weight and am not happy about it.  Even writing this post now is one of the more challenging things I have done because it is making my thoughts that much more real.

I am working so hard everyday to love and accept my body no matter what the number on the scale says or what my head might be telling me… but that is so much easier said than done. People talk about the importance of self-love and body-positivity, but never seem to touch on the rough phases this journey necessarily brings about.  My body, and everyone’s body for that matter, is constantly changing.  It is so important to focus on what it can do and what it does look like rather than the unrealistic and/or unhealthy standards that have been set by either myself, or society.  I am so fortunate that I can walk, jump, dance, run, etc., and that is so much more important than what size jeans I wear or how much I weigh.

While I would love to tell you that I have no interest in losing the weight I have gained over the past year, that just not true.  However, I can tell you that I am so much happier now than I was at this time last year.  I am so thankful for the friends I have made this year, and want nothing more than to enjoy my last few months of college — yikes! 

My hope in sharing my thoughts and feelings is to make someone, even just one person, feel less alone.  We are all in this never-ending journey together and while it’s difficult, it doesn’t need to be lonely.

Thank you for letting me share!

xx

 

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